The Illusion of Control

“As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”
Sonia Ricotti

“Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you.”
Eckhart Tolle

“Until you have given up everything, you will not be worthy of receiving anything.”
C. S. Lewis

We all want to be in control, do we not? It is human nature to want to call the shots, steer the ship, and have everything go according to our plans and desires. But the hard truth is that real control is an illusion—the universe does not bend to our whims, no matter how tightly we try to grip the reins. From the very beginning in the Garden of Eden, we see the consequences of humanity’s desire to be like God and have ultimate control (Genesis 3). When Adam and Eve disobeyed and ate the forbidden fruit, they were grasping for knowledge and power that did not belong to them. The result was devastation; sin, separation from God, expulsion from paradise, and the entry of death and suffering into the world. This tendency towards control has plagued humanity ever since. We continue trying in vain to be masters of our own existence, making decisions and pursuing paths apart from our Creator’s design. The results continue to be disastrous on personal and societal levels, broken relationships, inner turmoil, injustice, oppression of others, and general disorder and brokenness. While control is something we instinctively crave as humans, Scripture makes it clear that control ultimately belongs to God alone as the sovereign Lord over all. He governs every aspect of creation according to His wise purposes (Psalm 135:6). Our futile efforts to usurp control are ultimately self-defeating and lead to further suffering for ourselves and others. The way of flourishing is to humble ourselves, relinquish the idol of control, and surrender our lives to the loving authority of the One who made us.

Plans, Plans, Plans
We make plans all the time, for our career, finances, relationships, you name it. There is nothing inherently wrong with planning and goal-setting in principle. The problem comes when we start believing our plans are infallible and become obsessed with forcing them into reality. The Bible makes it clear that no matter how intricately we map things out, we do not ultimately direct our steps. Circumstances beyond our control can upend our best-laid plans in an instant. Just ask Joseph, who went from being sold into slavery to becoming Pharaoh’s right-hand man (Genesis 37-50)—a detour that was not part of his life plan. His story is a powerful reminder that our plans often take unexpected turns and that we need to hold our plans with an open hand, realizing they are more like rough drafts that the Author of our lives can edit as He sees fit. Having an eternal perspective helps us not get derailed when our agendas get derailed.

Trying to Control Others
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9, ESV). The second part of this verse applies not just to us individually, but to everyone, including the people we sometimes try to control or manipulate to get our way. Maybe you have been there, obsessively trying to shape a friend’s decisions about their career, relationship, or lifestyle because you think you know what is best for them. Or attempting to control your children with an iron fist instead of giving them age-appropriate freedom. Or inadvertently treating your spouse like a servant instead of an equal partner. Control is, at its core, a response to fear. Fear of things going wrong. Fear of disorder. Fear of being left out, left behind, or made irrelevant. At the root is a lack of trust, not only in people, but also in God’s sovereignty over the lives of others. Trust is a fragile thing, not in the sense that it is weak, but in the sense that it must be maintained through a constant posture of surrender. Trusting God, trusting others, trusting the process of growth—none of these come easily. They require releasing the need to control outcomes. They require faith that when people step forward into the unknown, God will be the one to direct their steps (Proverbs 16:9). We incorrectly assume that unless we apply pressure and try to micro-manage their choices, everything will fall apart. But the reality is that those people do not ultimately belong to us, they belong to God. He is in control of directing their path, not us. The wisest thing we can do is stop playing little gods, surrender our desire for control, and learn to rest in God’s plan for them.

Trying to Control Outcomes
“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring...Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that’” (James 4:13-15, ESV). This truth is profound because we are obsessed in our culture with trying to control outcomes and results, rather than resting in the sovereignty of God. We put our careers, bank accounts, and stock portfolios in God’s place as functional saviors, vainly thinking we can insulate ourselves from pain and uncertainty through shrewd decisions and accumulating enough wealth. In reality, all of our striving for safety, comfort, and control is an exercise in futility. The passage in James makes it clear that we have no clue what tomorrow holds, let alone next year or the next decade. No matter how meticulously we try to plan and control variables, there will always be factors beyond our reach that can derail everything in an instant. Think of how the coronavirus pandemic devastated so many people’s finances, careers, and future plans practically overnight. Those who placed their security in jobs, investments, or a certain quality of life had the rug pulled out from under them, exposing how little control they had. The only true security and certainty is found in surrender to the Lord’s will, whatever that may be. Yes, we should still be faithful and responsible in our callings, but we need to hold even our most important pursuits with an open hand, realizing that our future is not ours to control, but to entrust to our sovereign God who sees the bigger picture.

Letting Go and Finding Rest
“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2, ESV). This verse presents such a contrasting picture of our stress-filled, driven, control-obsessed society. We wear ourselves out in constant striving, staying up late and rising early to try and force our desired outcomes through sheer effort and worrying. However, it is all in vain because true rest and provision ultimately come from the Lord, not from our self-reliant control efforts. What freedom there is in realizing we can let go and find peace by trusting in God’s purposes rather than our own. So how do we go about letting go of this drive to control? By realizing how little power we have, and intentionally putting everything back into God’s hands through prayer, meditation on His Word, and conscious surrender, we can begin to align our lives with His will. In light of that, here are some practical suggestions:

• When you catch yourself stressing or worrying, stop and pray, “God, I surrender this situation/person/outcome back to you. I realize my desire to control is rooted in anxiety and a lack of trust in You. Please give me grace to let go.”
• Before making big decisions, spend time examining your motives and motivations. Is your drive for a certain outcome rooted in self-interest, fear, or control? Or are you seeking first God’s Kingdom and righteousness?
• Read passages like Matthew 6:25-34 about not being anxious, and use them to preach truth to yourself about where real security lies, not in your control efforts, but in your heavenly Father’s provision and wisdom.
• Cultivate spiritual practices like Sabbath-keeping, solitude, and silence that retrain your heart to rest and abide rather than strive. Relinquishing control is a muscle that needs to be exercised.
• Reflect on examples from Scripture like Joseph, Ruth, Esther, or Daniel, and consider how God was in control of their circumstances, not them. What would it have looked like for them to try and control their situations?
• Ask others to help keep you accountable when they see control patterns arising. Invite them to call you out with truth and love.
  
  

The God Who Is In Control
The core truth we need to embed deep in our hearts is that God is the one who is truly in control, and that is a good thing! As the all-wise, all-powerful, all-loving Creator and Sustainer of the universe, we can trust His purposes completely, even when we cannot fully understand them in the moment. The cross of Christ is the ultimate display of God’s control triumphing over human control. No matter how much the powers of darkness tried to manipulate, kill, and contain Christ’s influence, God was orchestrating the entire cosmic drama to bring about salvation for humanity. Where human control was intended for evil, God flipped the script and brought supreme good through the greatest act of surrender the world has ever known. When we let go of our feeble attempts at control and fix our eyes on this truth, we are freed to live with open hands, peace, and trust in the God who holds all things together. Life becomes an adventure to be embraced and not a force to be mastered. So let us choose today to give our Control Freak tendencies to the Lord and simply rest in His unexplainable plans.

So, dear reader, where do you find yourself today in the control struggle? What areas of your life are you white-knuckling, trying to stubbornly control situations, others, or outcomes according to your wisdom and agenda? Perhaps it is an ongoing conflict with a family member you are determined to resolve on your terms. Or a career aspiration you are pursuing at all costs, even if it is damaging other areas of your life. Or holding so tightly to your finances and possessions out of fear of lacking, rather than holding them with an open hand before the Lord. Whatever it is, prayerfully reflect and receive this truth: your desperate attempts at control are misguided and will only lead to more frustration, anxiety, and brokenness. The path to freedom and life is to awaken to the reality that God is in control as the sovereign ruler of the universe. What might it look like for you to intentionally and daily loosen your grasp and surrender to His Lordship? It will require humility and trust, to be sure. But that is where you will find true rest for your soul, not in the illusion of control, but in the beautiful truth that the God who framed the entire cosmos has everything in His wise and loving hands, including you. So let go, and watch in awe at what He will do when you get out of the way!