The Hidden Strings

“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.”
Rollo May

“I would rather be a rebel than a slave.”
Emil Cioran

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Socrates

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”
Voltaire

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.”
John F. Kennedy

Have you ever been in the middle of a service, when everything on the outside seems in place, but there is this quiet tension underneath, like something is not quite sitting right? Maybe you raised a hand, whispered an “amen,” but it felt more automatic than real. Sometimes we even try to manufacture a response, hoping that by going through the motions, we will stir something deeper within ourselves, or perhaps even those around us. But in those moments, the question surfaces: am I responding from a genuine connection, or am I just playing into expectations? Is this outward expression a reflection of what is going on inside, or is it just what I think I should be doing or how I should respond?

The Silent Drift into Conformity
We walk this journey together, trying to encourage one another, but even with the best intentions, things can subtly shift. A simple phrase can nudge someone into manufacturing a response. What started as sincere encouragement can quickly become an effort to create something visible, something we believe should be happening. But when we find ourselves trying to manufacture a response, are we leaving room for the Spirit to move, or are we pushing people toward a pre-packaged version of Christianity? Jesus cuts right to the heart of this in Matthew 15:8, quoting from Isaiah saying, “This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me” (ESV, cf Isaiah 29:13, Mark 7:6–7). The gestures are there, the words are spoken, but do they align with the heart? Proverbs 26:23 adds to this, “Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel are fervent lips with an evil heart” (ESV). Outward displays may look the part, but if they do not reflect an authentic inner reality, they are just a surface shine. Yet, we are also called to spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). So, where is the balance? How do we encourage without pushing people into a manufactured response? Here is the thing, transformation has to come from the Spirit, not from our own efforts to make something happen, no matter how well-intentioned. But that is difficult to remember when we feel the pull to make something happen, to fill the quiet spaces with the noise of fervor.

The Unseen Line
Encouragement walks alongside, creating space for the Spirit’s work. But coercion—whether intentional or not—pushes people into a performance, asking for something they are not ready to give. Even our most well-intentioned efforts can veer into manipulation; like effusive praise, which exaggerates achievements, setting unrealistic expectations, and discourages genuine effort in improvement. It is a delicate balance of encouraging without pushing towards false standards or away from authentic growth. It is easy to feel the unspoken pressure to conform, to meet expectations, or to perform in a community setting. Faith, however, is not meant to be performed; it is meant to be lived, and that distinction can easily get lost when we lean into the need for visible responses.

1. Pushing: In moments of heightened emotion—whether in worship or during a sermon—the expectation to respond can feel palpable. It is not that emotions are wrong, but when they come with an unspoken “should,” the space for authentic worship shrinks. Jesus said, “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth” (John 4:24, ESV). If it is not coming from a place of truth, then it is a manufactured response.
2. Posing: Phrases like “If you love Jesus...” introduce a troubling diachotomy because it draws unnecessary lines between outward action and inward faith, as if one proves the other. Romans 14:13 calls us to, “not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” Faith is not a show; it grows in the quiet spaces, unseen by the crowd, and is not measured by outward actions alone.
3. Performance: Public expressions of faith are meaningful, but when we start measuring faith by what people display, we drift into dangerous territory. Jesus warned in Matthew 6:1, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them” (ESV). True faith is not about being visible; it is a relationship with God that should be real, raw, and often quiet.
4. Pressure: Those closest to us can often influence us the most, even with good intentions. What feels like encouragement to join in can become an invisible demand to conform as encouragement easily slips into pressure—another ministry role, another activity, another expression of faith. It also breeds comparison and Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 10:12 that he and his companions do not compare themselves to others who are measuring themselves against one another. He emphasizes that such comparisons are unwise and meaningless. More importantly, Galatians 5:1 (ESV) offers a reminder: “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” The freedom we have in Christ is not to be traded for the expectations others might place upon us. It is not about filling every role, or conforming to a prescribed way of living out our faith. It is about living authentically before Him.
5. Persuasion: Guilt is a powerful motivator, and in the short term, it may seem to work, but the cost is extremely high. Serving, giving, or participating out of guilt leaves scars, and rarely leads to genuine growth. 1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV) reminds us: “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” True faith flows from within, and any outward act must be born of that inner reality, not shaped by the desire to meet others’ expectations.

Fostering Authentic Growth
So, how can we foster genuine spiritual growth without falling into the trap of manipulation? Encourage individuals to develop their prayer life, Bible study habits, and spiritual disciplines. When people are grounded in their relationship with God, they are less likely to be swayed by external pressures. We can also recognize that people connect with God in different ways. Some may be expressive in worship, while others find deep connection in quiet contemplation. As a community, we can help foster authentic growth where individuals are invited, not compelled, to explore their faith. This includes fostering a culture where diversity in spiritual expression is valued, and the inner work of the heart is held in greater esteem than outward conformity. By nurturing such an environment, we respect the unique journeys of each believer while encouraging genuine transformation that comes from within. Validating various expressions of individual faith can reduce the pressure to conform to a single model. Faith that has not wrestled with doubt can be fragile, so by allowing and even encouraging questioning, we create an environment where faith can be strengthened through honest exploration. When believers are open about their challenges and growth processes, it creates a culture of authenticity, which helps to combat the perception that “real” Christians have it all together all the time. Openness can help people develop the skills to test their motivations and the messages they receive. The Bereans were commended for examining the Scriptures daily to see if Paul’s teachings were true (Acts 17:11). We should encourage the same thoughtful approach instead of focusing solely on numbers or visible responses. Genuine spiritual growth often requires time for reflection and processing, so we must allow people to respond to God’s leading and not meet our expectations.

Trusting God Over Coercion
We must remember that our ultimate goal is to point people to Christ, not to our vision of what their faith should look like. Jesus’ interactions with people were marked by compassion and an invitation rather than coercion. Consider the rich young ruler in Mark 10. When the man walked away sad, unable to give up his wealth, Jesus did not chase after him or manipulate him into staying. He allowed the man to make his choice, even though it was not what Jesus hoped for. Or, better yet, think about Jesus’ approach to His disciples. He taught them, challenged them, and even rebuked them at times, but He never manipulated them into manufactured responses or following Him. This brings us to an important juncture: trust in God’s work in and through people’s lives. Philippians 1:6 reminds us, “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Our role is faithfully plant and water, but God gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:6-7). Genuine faith is not something we manipulate into being.

Let us challenge ourselves to examine our hearts and practices. Are there ways we might be inadvertently pressuring others in their faith journey? Are we allowing genuine, Spirit-led growth, or are we sometimes pushing our agenda or expressions of faith and worship? These are not easy questions, and the answers might make us uncomfortable, but as we seek to build authentic Christian communities, they are questions worth wrestling with. After all, our goal is not to create carbon copies of ourselves or a façade of perfect Christianity. We aim to foster environments where people encounter the living God and are transformed by His love and grace. In the end, it comes down to trust, trust in God’s work in people’s lives and trust the power of the gospel itself. Paul said in Romans 1:16, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.” The gospel does not need our manipulation or pressure tactics. It is powerful enough on its own to change hearts and lives. Together, let us commit to encouraging without manipulating, exhorting without pressuring, and always pointing people to Christ rather than our expectations. As we do, we might find that our communities become places of genuine growth, authentic faith, and transformative encounters with the living God.

To you, dear reader, I offer both a challenge and an encouragement. Take some time to reflect on your experiences and practices. Have you felt pressured in your faith journey? Have you, perhaps unknowingly, put that same pressure on others? God’s love is not earned by our performance or how well we meet others’ expectations. As Romans 5:8 tells us, “God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This profound love is the reason Christ calls us to change and grow. He loves us enough to meet us where we are, but He does not leave us there. Instead, He invites us into a transformative journey, to become more like Him. I encourage you to seek God’s wisdom in navigating these waters. Perhaps you might pray for discernment, asking God to show you areas where you can foster more authentic faith in your life and interactions with others. And if you find change is needed, be gentle with yourself. Growth is a process, and God is patient with us as we learn and grow. So step forward and continue to grow in grace, in knowledge, and in the freedom that Christ offers us.