The Quiet Burden of 'Should'

“The safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”
C. S. Lewis

“Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
George Orwell

“Where is the Life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?”
T. S. Eliot

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”
Fyodor Dostoevsky

“The greatest danger, that of losing oneself, can pass off in the world as quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss, an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc., is sure to be noticed.”
Søren Kierkegaard

In our previous blog, The Hidden Strings: Unintended Manipulation, we explored how easy it is to slip from encouragement into something else, where our outward actions mask the disconnect inside. We wondered how often we try to manufacture connection, both for ourselves and for others, without leaving space for the Spirit’s real work. It happens so quietly, you almost miss it. Someone says, “every Christian should...” and suddenly, a weight settles. It is not overt, but you feel it: If you are serious about following Jesus, you will listen to this sermon, read that book, or attend that meeting. Somehow, the suggestion morphs into a quiet demand, and before you know it, you are carrying the pressure of not falling behind. But does Scripture back this up? Where does it say that every believer’s journey should look the same, or that we are supposed to chase after the next “important” thing? If anything, the Bible celebrates the personal, deeply individual nature of our walk with God. In Philippians 2:12, we are reminded to work out “your own salvation with fear and trembling” (ESV)—the emphasis on your own feels almost rebellious in an age of conformity. But when expectations pile up, that sense of freedom starts to fade, and suddenly you are left wondering if you are really keeping up.

The Allure of “Significant Moments”
Then there is this other phrase we hear all the time about certain encounters being “significant.” It is usually tied to a conference, a special ministry time, or a gathering that is marketed as pivotal. And the underlying message? If you miss this, you might miss something critical for your faith journey. That urgency, the suggestion that this is the moment God’s doing something big, creates this subtle anxiety—like you are about to lose out if you do not show up. But is God really confined to these “significant” moments we manufacture? The Bible does not support this chase for the next major event. If anything, it points us back to the quiet, steady faithfulness of everyday life. In Acts 2:46, the early church was not rushing from one grand moment to the next; they were meeting in homes, breaking bread, praying together. It was not flashy or urgent—it was deeply communal and deeply ordinary. And yet, that is where the Spirit worked. It is a reminder that God moves just as powerfully in the quiet, everyday spaces as He does in the loud and the grand.

Are These “Shoulds” Even Biblical?
So, what does the Bible actually say about these “shoulds” that seem to creep into our spiritual lives? Does it tell us that every believer has to follow the same path, take the same steps, or engage in the same practices? When you look closely, Jesus’ approach was not one-size-fits-all. To one man, He said, “Sell all you have” (Luke 18:22), to another “Follow the commandments” (Matthew 19:17), but to others, He simply said, “Follow Me” (Matthew 4:19, Matthew 9:9, John 1:43). There was not a uniform set of instructions for how to be a disciple. In fact, our individual journeys with God are meant to reflect His unique call on each of us (for more, read our blog, When God Calls: Embracing Your Call and Remaining True). Galatians 5:1 makes this point clear: “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (ESV). But even in church circles, we often encounter these subtle pressures to conform—to show up at this event, read that book, or join this cause. They are good things, but when they become the measure of our faith, we submit a yoke of slavery and we lose sight of what God is actually doing in our own hearts. Faith is not about keeping up with someone else’s spiritual timeline; it is about following the Spirit’s lead in your life, which often looks different from what others expect.

The Subtle Pressure of Comparison
There is something about coercive phrases that automatically breed comparison. Even when it is not said directly, the implication is there: Are you as spiritually mature as everyone else? If you have not read the latest book, attended a specific meeting, or followed the “must-do” practices, it feels like you are behind. And it is an easy trap to fall into, is it not? Quietly measuring your faith journey against someone else’s experience, wondering if you have missed out on something vital. Even if the words are not meant to pressure you, they plant a seed. Suddenly you are wondering, “Am I as committed as they are? Am I doing enough?” It is a quiet kind of doubt, but it builds. If you have not listened to that sermon or attended that event, it feels like you have fallen behind. But this mindset is exactly what the Bible warns against in this kind of comparison. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding” (ESV). God is not holding us up to someone else’s journey as the standard for our own or measuring our worth based on human standards and accomplishments. What stirs one person’s spirit might not resonate with you—and that is okay. We were not meant to walk identical paths. What impacts one person deeply might not even register for another, and that is not a flaw—it is intentional. The Spirit leads each of us uniquely, and our growth is not dictated by the comparison, expectations, or experiences of others.

The Fine Line Between Help and Hype
Now, do not misunderstand, it is not that books, sermons, or meetings are without value. They can be incredibly helpful. But here is where the tension lies: when helpful resources get framed as essential, turning it into a “must-do” for everyone. Suddenly, what was meant to encourage becomes another bar to clear. It becomes easy to elevate these resources to a place they were never meant to hold, where they subtly start to replace the role of Scripture itself. We push what worked for us onto others without even realizing we have crossed that line. And then, for the person on the receiving end, it does not feel like an invitation anymore. It is an expectation, an unspoken pressure to get on board or risk falling behind. There is a fine line between something being helpful and something becoming a crutch. It is easy to get swept up in the excitement of the latest Christian trend, but if it is not pointing us back to Jesus, if it is not deepening our walk with God, then it is just noise. The irony is, the Spirit does not move according to trends. He does not operate on hype. His voice is still, quiet, and often at odds with the constant noise of what is “big” right now. 1 Kings 19:12 reminds us that God often speaks not in the earthquake or the fire, but in the “sound of a low whisper” (ESV). We need to recognize the difference between tools that encourage us in our faith and tools that we begin to rely on more than the Bible or the Spirit’s leading. The moment these resources become the gatekeepers to spiritual growth, we have crossed the line from help to hype.

Discernment in an Age of Overload
We live in a time when Christian content is endless. Books, podcasts, apps, sermons—it is all just a click away. And in the flood of it all, we can easily lose sight of what God is actually calling us to in this moment. Discernment means recognizing that not every resource, no matter how popular, is for you. It means being still enough to hear what the Spirit is leading you to, instead of feeling the need to consume everything just because it is out there. It is about realizing that sometimes, less is more when it comes to spiritual growth. James 1:5 promises us that if we “lack wisdom,” we can ask God, and He will give it “generously to all without reproach” (ESV). Discernment is part of that wisdom. 1 John 4:1 reminds us, “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God” (ESV). This is not just about avoiding false teaching; it is about discerning what is truly feeding your soul and what is simply adding to the noise. We need to ask ourselves: Is this book, podcast, or meeting drawing me deeper into God’s presence, or is it making me feel like I am missing out if I do not keep up? Discernment means giving yourself permission to say no, to step back, and to focus on what truly matters. It is about choosing depth over volume, quality over quantity, and God’s voice over the clamor of external expectations.

What Scripture Actually Says We Should Do
So, what does the Bible actually say about what “every Christian should” do? The commands we find in Scripture are profoundly simple and far more personal than the checklists we often impose on ourselves. Micah 6:8 distills it clearly: “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (ESV). Notice what is absent: there is no mention of reading the latest Christian bestseller or attending a particular event. The focus is on living out a life of love, humility, and justice—rooted in relationship with God and with others. Jesus affirmed this simplicity when asked about the greatest commandment. His response in Matthew 22:37-39 was clear: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind... and you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (ESV). This is what the Christian life is about. Not keeping up with the latest trends or recommendations, but cultivating a heart that loves God and others deeply.

The Freedom to Follow Christ, Not Trends
There is an immense freedom in realizing that your spiritual growth is not bound to someone else’s recommendations or expectations. The freedom we have in Christ (Galatians 5:1) is not a freedom to indulge in every Christian resource out there, but the freedom to follow Him without being weighed down by unnecessary expectations. We are free to pursue God at the pace and in the way He leads us. We are not bound to follow the same path as everyone else. The Spirit knows exactly what you need in each season of your life. He is not asking you to chase after the latest thing; He is inviting you to walk with Him in a deeply personal way, free from the pressure of keeping up with every new wave of Christian culture.

Reject the “Should,” Embrace the Spirit
At the end of it all, these “shoulds” are more often a reflection of personal preference than biblical command. While books, sermons, and meetings can certainly enrich our faith, they are not the foundation. Our walk with God is rooted in Scripture, in His presence, and in the leading of the Holy Spirit. So, as you consider the next “every Christian should” suggestion, pause. Ask yourself: Is this truly where God is leading me, or am I simply following the expectations of others? Do not let external pressures determine the course of your faith. Let the Spirit be your guide. It is in the quiet, often unnoticed places where true transformation happens. God’s work in your life is not dependent on the next big thing, but on the simple, faithful act of walking with Him daily.

Dear reader, your journey with God does not need to look like anyone else’s. It does not need to be validated by the latest Christian resource or ministry. It is already validated by the One who called you, the One who knows you, and the One who leads you. So, reject the unnecessary “shoulds” and lean into the Spirit. In doing so, you will find a freedom and depth that no trend can offer. Do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God.